Me July 2014                                                Me August 2026

Then and now. Where have the years gone? I lost Carla August 2016. I lost Chris April 2023. I miss them both so much, it truly is a physical pain I live with everyday. Where am I going? How much longer for me and what is next? Life changes so much and so fast.

I'm still trying to keep busy which isn't hard. There is a lot I need to do and I just keep putting it off. I need to work on my yard. Weeding and shit that I hate to do. I need to deep clean my house. Again it's shit I hate doing. I just paid $12,000 for a new backyard. It does look nice but I'm not into working in the dirt, hate getting my hands dirty! Same reason I hate doing housework. Go figure.

It's a Saturday and I've just fucked off all day. I've been drinking and I'm thinking of getting stoned. Some things never change I guess. 

I'm still having "fun" or obsession with my dolls. It's a creative outlet for me. I sure wish I had done something more creative with my life instead of settling for a soul life sucking job at the local utility. Lots of things I wish I had done. But always Chris - I would always choose Chris.

 

 

I swear to God I have the worst time trying to arrange these damn pictures! This is a picture of me as a drag queen. Not too bad!

So damn! I started listening to Sombr about a month ago. He's my latest obsession. Cue the music "I wish I had Know You When I was Younger" Revivalists

Well Shit! He's so beautiful but so damn young. 21 - I feel so dirty lusting after him. It's just wrong. But WTF?????? I got tickets for his concert in October. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????

Here We Go! It's 2026 and time to get livin'

My new obsession is . . . playing with dolls! I've been busy designing and sewing doll clothes. First I tried working with 1:6 scale. It fun but then I tried 1:4 scale. That was even better! and now I'm working with 1:3 scale ball joint dolls. Now that is a BLAST! Yes, I've spent a small fortune on this new hobby but what else am I going to do with my money. Spend it on "sensible" stuff? Me? Hell No! To make things even sweeter, Regina gifted me with Ron's Canon camera! It's awesome. I've been playing with the thing and I think I might have a clue to what I'm actually doing. Maybe not. Stay tuned I'm on a roll here.

Anyway this is K.C. one of my newest addition to the BJD collection. So. Much. Fun 😜

Happy birthday in Heaven Momma! You left us waaaay to early and I really wished I could have known you better. I have so many darn questions for you and I wish you could come back for just an hour or two . . . or more. My heart hurts for all the people in life that I have lost - all of them too early.  

    

            

I raise a glass to all of you that have gone before me. May we meet again in Heaven!

A New Chapter in My Life:

 This is us now. I moved into my new house in August and sold our old house in October. It was really hard but again I did it with a lot of help from family and friends. My cats adjusted to the new house quicker than I did! A lot of worry is off my plate now. I am going forward and I'm going to enjoy this life that I have been blessed with.

Happy New Year

 My heart is still heavy with grief. I'm starting this year very cautiously. I'm still trying to figure out how to go on with life without Chris. I'm scared, I'm worried about what will happen to me and I want Chris back so much it physically hurts. I drink too much, I worry too much and I feel so alone even if my family is here and have been wonderful about helping me. I feel like this is a journey I have to go alone on. Chris would tell me to move on but it's impossible to "move on". It's a hurt I feel like it never leaves. So where and what do I do now?

 It's been a very tough year for me. I miss my husband so much. I feel like the grief is a physical ache that never goes away. Maybe one day I will get through the day without crying but it hasn't happened yet. I'd give ANYTHING to have him back with me.

Today is Our 45 Wedding Anniversary!

 

Me, Dad and Anne - that was a long walk down the aisle!

    My beautiful sisters, Carla and Regina                        

Mr. and Mrs. Hamling!