Happy New Year

 My heart is still heavy with grief. I'm starting this year very cautiously. I'm still trying to figure out how to go on with life without Chris. I'm scared, I'm worried about what will happen to me and I want Chris back so much it physically hurts. I drink too much, I worry too much and I feel so alone even if my family is here and have been wonderful about helping me. I feel like this is a journey I have to go alone on. Chris would tell me to move on but it's impossible to "move on". It's a hurt I feel like it never leaves. So where and what do I do now?

 It's been a very tough year for me. I miss my husband so much. I feel like the grief is a physical ache that never goes away. Maybe one day I will get through the day without crying but it hasn't happened yet. I'd give ANYTHING to have him back with me.

Today is Our 45 Wedding Anniversary!

 

Me, Dad and Anne - that was a long walk down the aisle!

    My beautiful sisters, Carla and Regina                        

Mr. and Mrs. Hamling!

45 Years Ago Today

    

Can you say "scared shitless". I mean WTF was I doing? This marriage shit was for real now. It was our wedding rehearsal the evening before the wedding. I will not lie, it was getting scary.

Holy crap, I guess it's too late to duck out of this now!!!!!!

Rehearsal was at Ascension Church, Father David, Bob Kuhlberg, and Dean Loberg (top left). Regina and Carla, my bridesmaid and matron of honor - and a very nervous me and Chris (top right). Chris and I at the rehearsal dinner - remember Beef and Brew. After dinner a bunch of us "young uns" crammed into Jerry Manning's VW van and got soooooo stoned.

 Chris and I traveled to Spokane on Thursday June 9 to visit with our friends Nancy and Dean. Our friends treated us to a ZZ Top concert that evening. Here we are at dinner before the concert. Great times, great company and a great concert!

Happy Birthday to Nancy! 88 trips around the sun and she shines as bright as ever. 

 Happy Birthday to Jonathan and Dae! Dinner at Que Pasa on Friday, May 6. Great food, great drinks and best of all great family. 😻